in for a penny, in for a pound

Have you seen Black Swan? If not, go see it now.  And not (just) for the lesbian sex! It is just a really good movie. And emotional. And powerful. And uncomfortable in a good way. And go see it now.

Oh, and did you know that I have a tumblr ? ( a tumblelog, even) I haven’t really sorted out a purpose for it yet, but it’s kind of fun. Mostly pictures and quotes and stuff.  Perhaps you want to check it out.  And if you use tumblr too, you should direct me to yours, because I follow an embarrassingly small number of people (because I only follow friends, as of now. And while I am approachable, I try to be snarky enough to avoid having too many friends).

One recent post (okay, the most recent post as of this writing) was a poem I read today. You may know that  I adore e.e. cumming’s poetry.  Somehow I never read (or perhaps just never fully appreciated this poem).  Or maybe this ridiculous poetry class I’m taking has gone to my head.

a total stranger one black day
knocked living the hell out of me-- 

who found forgiveness hard because
my(as it happened)self he was 

-but now that fiend and i are such
immortal friends the other's each

It’s pretty much a constant journey–forgiving one’s self and generally quieting the inner battle that goes on inside of us. But I’m not really sure if you really should be friends with yourself.  [*aside* In high school, I took a class with a description: “learn to be your own best friend.” We watched lots of Lifetime movies, made collages, and had a more in depth sex-ed than I would guess most anyone else in the Midwest.]  But of course you don’t want to be attacking yourself or too slow to forgive.  I guess it’s really hard to describe the sort of relationship you should have with yourself.  For one, you’re only one person.  I was at first tempted to suggest a frenemy sort of interaction, but that’s generally characterized by pettiness and passive aggression–not the makings of a good relationship.  Maybe it’s my definition of friend that faltered initially.  In fact, I’m fairly certain that is the case.  I was taking ‘friend’ to mean someone who unconditionally agrees and allows you to get away with anything.  But a true friend challenges you to be your best, and can point out when something needs to change.  That friend will also be forgiving and supportive.  Okay, maybe you should be your own best friend. e.e. cummings, you’ve convinced me.

In other news: weird-o dreamland is back!  Sometimes I’ll go for what seems like forever without remembering a dream.  This weekend, I had multiple memorable ones a night.  I should probably just start posting my dreams since they’re more interesting than my life. I’m also pretty interested in dream analysis. A few highlights from this weekend’s batch:

  • drinking a beer which changed from a Sam Adams Boston Lager (which I don’t like) to a Sam Adams “Indiana Ale” (yes, Indiana, not Indian) when I remarked that I liked the beer and went to read the label
  • having all the windows in my house shatter
  • finding that Professor McGonagall had broken into my friend’s house along with a mutual friend of his and mine
  • deciding to take econometrics halfway through the semester and cuddling with the professor
  • experiencing actual pain, and making it go away with advil (I can’t remember feeling pain in a dream before)
  • meeting Professor Dixon but waking up too soon to ask him the SUPER IMPORTANT linguistics question I had

And searching some key words in an online dream dictionary:

  • you are punishing yourself over a useless cause or inconsequential action on your part
  • need for physical and/or emotional contact.
  • happiness, fogginess, or inspiration. It also indicates that you have quite a social life
  • a metaphor that you are literally at your breaking point.
  • you need to start preparing for the real world.
  • your character is being questioned. You feel the need to defend yourself. You are feeling stressed, vulnerable and helpless.
  • You are expressing your satisfaction with life. Alternatively, the dream may be giving approval to move forward with some decision or action

I feel a little awkward about how… unpleasant most of those are.  But I love that it says I’m happy and inspired and satisfied with a social life! Phew! So… crazy stress but in the end I’m doing okay? I guess that’s good. :]

  1. mi rimarkis ke via facebook estas tute malaperinta (au tio su ni nun ne estas amikoj tie..?)

    demandon por vi: chu vi uzas Twitter ?

    • jes, mia facebook ne plu ekzistas.

      mi ankoraŭ ne uzas Twitter, sed mi pripensas… mi plej ŝatis la statojn ĉe facebook. ĉu mi ĝin uzu?

  2. eble provu kaj ghin uzu se vi ghin shatas?

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